As a new wife, I had to be sure to reflect on what my husband does well. I had to gauge his progress in both our life and our marriage on his talents and what he’s trying to do well, rather than where he fell short. I realized that if I always met him with what he wasn’t doing or what he hadn’t done, he may never choose to progress in those areas. If I approached areas that I wanted him to improve in with positivity and support, I found out how much he actually was willing to change.
Focus on Your Contribution
In reflecting on the list that I used to create to depict all of the qualities and traits that my future husband needed to have, I eventually realized that I had to reflect on myself. What did I bring to the table at 18, at 25, at 30? How did I compare to what I was asking for? I had an apartment, a decent car, a okay job (not my dream career), I had a kid from a previous relationship, I have a few recipes up my sleeve, and I felt like I was easy on the eyes. Would I meet all of his expectations on his list? Probably not.
My self assessment made me realize that all of the things we may ask for in a man are things that we couldn’t bring to the table if we wanted to. I was wrong to expect my husband to meet all of these criteria but not hold myself to a certain standard. I had to do better. I had to be a better version of myself at every step along the way. I couldn’t ask for improvement in my husband if I couldn’t find ways to improve upon myself.
But it didn’t stop there. I realized that what I did expect my husband to bring to the table in this marriage. Income, of course, but I brought that too and it went into one pot. Love, he definitely brings that and never lets me forget it. Then I realized what my husband brought to the party that I couldn’t give myself, was a peace of mind, he is my peace. He was (and still is) my solace.
I am the type that will run myself ragged. If I have 38 billion things to get done in one day, I will probably try to squeeze in 39 billion even though my body quit on me hours ago. I don’t know how to turn off. This is where my husband comes in, he helps me settle down. He gives me peace in every way. I know that when he tells me to rest, that it’s out of love and concern and I can let go of stressing to do it all, especially when I know that I cant.
For him, I help him “turn up”. My husband is home body and I like to explore and try new things. So I drag him to try these things with me and for the most part, he always finds himself having fun.
In the end, we complement each other and that is the only thing that we both need to contribute most to this marriage. So know how you fit into his life and where he fits into yours…and with two imperfect puzzle pieces working together, you end up making a perfect union.