Have you been working since high school? Check. Maintained your own home? Check. Purchased and maintained your own car? Check. Buy your own clothes? Check. Fix your own problems? Check. Well, hell, then why do you need a man? Check, Check, Check-Mate! Many of us walk into a relationship out of a relationship with ourselves. The relationship with the independent woman. It is a beautiful thing to be independent. Your parents raised you to depend on yourself and no one else. Many of us grew up in households in which you only had an independent woman (or women) as our role models. As we progress into womanhood and decided that marriage was for us, we forget to leave our independence at the door. We take it with us through our relationships. Always ready for the “let-down” and ready to remind ourselves who or what we don’t need. Reminding ourselves of this independence operates as a shield for our hearts. Then in walked your prince charming. Your husband. He was (and is) everything you could want in a man. He seeks your dependence, he lives for it. Have you given it to him?
I was not ready to relinquish those rights just yet when I got married. I had been independent for so long, especially as a single mother, that it was a large adjustment folding my husband into “my life”. That’s right, I said MY LIFE. My life allowed me the independence that I wanted. I knew what I liked to do, where I liked to shop, how I liked to spend my money, and what I needed to do to ensure I was able to maintain a quality of life. My husband was not going to change my ways. Well with this attitude, I almost found my independent self very much single again. Why? Because I wanted to be the man, woman, and almighty and would not allow myself to be dependent on my husband. I wouldn’t allow him to serve the purpose he was destined to serve in my life. I wouldn’t let him be my man.
As a wife, its is no longer simply about you and you alone. The two shall now become one and thats how it shall remain. B
Let Go and Let Man Lead
Like many people say “Let Go and Let God” in your marriage you have to let go of your independence and let your man lead. Allow yourself to become dependent in his ability to care for and protect you. If your own instincts wont let you trust in his abilities, then you need to express this to your husband as this is a burden you should not bear. Your independence may be an attractive trait and you should always have your own goals & desires, but don’t let those goals & desires push your husband away. Your dependence on your husband will only allow for your independence as a unit to grow stronger.
You Chose Marriage
Don ’t walk around like someone stole your independence. You chose to be married. You said “Yes” when he proposed and you said “I-Do” when you got married. When we act like our husbands have stole our lives away because you discuss your choices, whereabouts, and actions with him it only implies that he is a burden. If independence is your goal, there are many ways to retain your independence in marriage. Retain your likes and dislikes. Ensure you’re spending time with your friends doing things that give you life. But remember that marriage is about dependence. Depending on the love that you know your husband has for you (and you for him) will always be there waiting for you.
Let your marriage love you back…sometimes its okay to let GO!